Ballerinas Are Badass

The Advertising Standards Agency (ASA) has today brought in a rule that bans harmful gender stereotypes in advertising (information here)

This is obviously wonderful and I’m extremely happy this rule has been brought in. I’ve read quite a few articles about it today and one point that keeps coming up is the number of complaints brought against an Aptamil baby formula advertisement which depicted babies developing into their future careers. A boy was shown to be a future engineer, and a girl became a ballerina. (BBC article)

I know that the typical and very outdated idea of a ballerina is of a dainty female skipping around in a pretty tutu, and this is why there were so many complaints, but in reality, ballerinas are badass athletes. I studied ballet for several years and my classes were harder than anything I ever did in a gym (and I wasn’t even very good!) Ballet dancers train for hours upon hours a day and consistently push their bodies and minds to the absolute limits. For reference, check out ABT principal dancer Misty Copeland’s Instagram. Look at her form and physique and tell me all she does is skip around in a pink dress.

So, yes, I understand why the Aptamil ad was so widely complained about and I am beyond ecstatic at the ASA rules, but if my daughter wanted to become a professional dancer I would be seriously impressed.

I’m glad I got that off my chest!

All By Myself

One of my least favourite Facebook posts are the ones along the lines of “Your workmates are the ones who know everything about you” or  “Tag the workmate who makes you laugh most.”

Cards on the table, the reason these posts wind me up so much is because I’m jealous. Because I don’t have any workmates.

I teach all by myself. I LOVE my job, and I’m really lucky that every single one of my students is an absolute joy, but apart from a snatched “hello” to a parent at drop off/pickup, I have absolutely no adult conversation all day. I would love to be able to lean over to the person beside me and ask if they’ve seen the newest Netflix show, or share a ridiculous inside joke with someone. My best memories of my days in “normal” employment are the times I spent with my coworkers. I don’t get to share lunchtimes with people or have a work night out. Every Christmas without fail, I post a photo of a glass of wine on Instagram and caption it “work Xmas party.” I’m hilarious.

I’m so incredibly lucky to have a job that I love so much, and that allows me to work around my kids and I never take it for granted. But if you know someone who works alone, keep in touch with them. Send them a text, bring them a treat if you can, or send them funny memes to read when they’re finished working.

But please, no memes about workmates.

The Revolution Begins At Home

I’ve been mulling over a lot of things and I decided that today, International Women’s Day, is a good opportunity to try and piece my thoughts together.

In the wake of the Ulster Rugby Rape Trial women were angry. I was angry. Two men with a public profile were charged with committing the most horrific crime on a woman. While the courts found them innocent, what could not be hidden was their appalling conduct and the vile WhatsApp messages they sent each other after the event took place. As rugby stars they still continued to be lauded and I heard the “boys will be boys” defence from many places.  This is in absolutely no way an acceptable way to think or talk.

We are thankfully living in a changing world and women and girls are now encouraged to speak out and rise against the injustices they are subjected to. But men and boys? There is still a long way to go with regards to how they approach women. “Boys will be boys,” “but look what she was wearing,” and other similar sentiments need to be eradicated from vocabularies. This style of thinking doesn’t only apply to sexual assault. It’s everyday. It’s the middle aged man who thinks women can’t work in music because they can’t lift amps (we can), or it’s the driving test examiner who referred to me, then a thirty year old woman, as “girl.”

I am raising my children as feminists. Both of my children. The Girl and The Boy.  I’ll be teaching The Girl about standing up for herself, taking no shit and fighting back against injustice. My lessons for The Boy will be different. It’s unbelievably important that he learns to treat women with respect and as his equal. That women aren’t an afterthought in society and that they are worth more than their bodies. I often think about how boys talked to me when I was a teenager, with a complete lack of respect and frequently reducing me to nothing more than a short skirt. If my son ever treated anyone like that I would be devastated. My children already know that you don’t touch someone if they don’t want you to. These are lessons that need to be taught from birth, and by parents. It is with this sentiment in mind I have added a photo of one of my most favourite prints, bought from the incredible Black & Beech. Home is where change begins.

As a short postscript, I urge everyone to read Asking For It by Louise O’Neill. It’s a novel that deals with sexual assault and the narrative towards it. It’s a deeply powerful work that should be mandatory reading for all teenagers.

 

 

Bra Hacks You Won’t Believe!!

A lot of people don’t have much love for Buzzfeed. I get it, I do, though I still read it a lot. I’ve always got time to find out what Muppet I am or what the Kardashians are up to this week.

Today they posted a “clothing hacks” article with the following order

FYI everyone, this is total nonsense. Admittedly, I don’t have any boob qualifications other than actually owning them for 20+ years, but as someone who has a G to H cup size I can say: as long as your bra fits you properly then you’re good to go. The wonderful and knowledgeable Niamh at H Cup Chronicles (Find her HERE) has backed up my hard hitting journalistic findings and can confirm that my ultimate bra hacks will, like, totally change your life! So without further ado…

1. Get a bra that fits properly and do whatever the fuck you want

2. That’s it

 

 

Enjoy!

N.I. Children Ranked Sixth For Reading

Following yesterday’s news that Northern Ireland children are ranked sixth in the world for reading ability and performance, I was invited onto BBC Radio Ulster’s Evening Extra show to discuss how I encourage reading in my household.

Reading is such an important part of my life, and I love passing my passion on to my children, so I was delighted to hear that Northern Ireland is performing so well.

You can listen HERE and the feature is from 46 minutes in.

 

Making Maternal Mental Health Mainstream

Post natal depression is not uncommon. Twenty percent of mothers will experience antenatal or post natal depression and/or anxieties. It’s no secret that I suffered badly from the condition after the birth of my first child. It was a terrifying time, and despite knowing I had infinite support from my family and friends, I felt incredibly lonely and isolated. Someone else who understands this feeling is Nuala Murphy, and she has developed the Moment Health app as a means to help pregnant women and new mothers track their mental health and to seek support.

I have been using the app regularly for the last few weeks and I’ve been exploring all its possibilities. There are mood and emotion questions just like the ones that get asked by medical professionals that can help identify issues and detect any early signs of PND. There is also a comprehensive list of support networks with quick links for contacting them and the option to add your own emergency contact.

My favourite feature is the Mood Tracker. It allows you to record how you’re feeling several times a day and you can view all your data at a glance to follow your emotions. I have managed to work out the times of the day when I feel most stressed and overwhelmed and now I can anticipate it and work to overcome the tension.

There is also a closed Facebook group which I enjoy enormously. It’s full of non-judgemental help and advice from other parents and it’s certainly the friendliest parenting forum I use.

Nuala has created an invaluable tool, which has offered me copious amounts of support since the birth of my daughter. This app will no doubt be a lifeline to many women and will also help Nuala’s mission to #makeitmainstream

Moment Health will be hosting PND hour on Twitter this evening from 8pm. You can search the hashtag #PNDHour and also follow at @momenthealthapp

The Moment Health app is free to download for iOS and Android. Find it in the relevant App Store or get it directly from momenthealth.io

 

Stop Being So Mean (To Yourself)

I saw this photo a few times over the weekend on Instagram. The first time I saw it, it stopped me in my tracks. Look how beautiful Sophia Loren is in this! Then I read the quote. I love it! She’s so right! Pizza and wine are two of my favourite things, and I’d much rather enjoy them than be a size 0. Yeah! Woo! *high fives*

Then I began to wonder, how would I feel if it was my face on that body? I would certainly scrutinise it in close detail. Too much of this, too little of that, that bit should be different…

Why are women so mean to themselves? I would never talk to others the way I talk to myself. Exactly this time 11 weeks ago I was in the throes of labour and about to deliver a 7lb 4oz baby that I had spent nine months growing. I looked in the mirror this morning and got upset that I don’t look like I did when I was 18. I need to catch myself on. My body has been through a lot (pregnancies, surgeries, broken bits etc), I don’t have the metabolism I did 13 years ago and I’m still counting my baby’s age in weeks rather than months or years. And yet, I continue to beat myself up, give myself a talking to, and then repeat it all the next day.

There are so many Body Positivity bloggers who have much more useful things to say than I do. I’m not even sure if I would consider myself BoPo because as much as I embrace and welcome all other women’s bodies, I cannot accept my own. As the mother of a daughter, I don’t want her to grow up in a world where she is constantly being criticised, both by herself and others. It’s up to me to sort out my own issues and to accept myself so I can be the best example I can be.

And I’ll be doing it all with pizza and wine.

Baby Loss Awareness Week

I’m not a “mummy blogger.” Honestly, I’m not. Yes, I’m a mum, but it’s not my whole life. I’m going to try and space out the parenting posts as much as I can but today marks the start of Baby Loss Awareness Week and I didn’t want it to go by unmentioned.
I have had two miscarriages. I am the (literal) poster girl for baby loss. Seriously, I’m on the cover photo for the Miscarriage Association’s Facebook page.

I have written about my experiences before over at Olive&Rose and you can read that here if you like.

I’m a firm believer in breaking the stigma surrounding baby loss and encouraging people to talk about it. I also want to make people aware that there is support out there from various places. Here is a list of organisations and charities that I have discovered on my journey.

The Miscarriage Association I have personally been helped a lot by The Miscarriage Association. They run a private Facebook group where you can ask questions and talk with others affected.

The Belfast Health and Social Care Trust Once a year they run a memorial service in Roselawn Cemetery for baby loss that has occurred in the Royal Jubilee Maternity and The Mater. This year’s event has already taken place but will run again in September 2018. Details are placed in the local press. The Royal Jubilee Maternity Hospital also has a Childbirth and Loss midwife available.

The South Eastern Health and Social Care Trust have a bereavement midwife and host a bereaved parents liaison group.

Baby Loss Awareness A collaboration of more than 40 UK charities raising awareness and lobbying for change in miscarriage care.

Miscarriage N.I. Advice and information specific to Northern Ireland.

Tommy’s Reasearch and information on miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth.

Sands The Stillbirth & Neonatal Death charity

Life After Loss Their website is very out of date, but their Facebook page is active and they are running the annual Babyloss Awareness Balloon Release this Sunday. Details can be found HERE.

Saying Goodbye run remembrance services. The next one will be in St Anne’s Cathedral on June 3rd 2018. Information HERE.

Fertility Counselling Service N.I. I am led to believe that any patient from the Belfast trust who has experienced miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy can be referred for counselling here. I have no experience of this personally, so ask your doctor or midwife if it is something you would be interested in.

 

 

 

 

So long, Maternity Leave

Maternity leave is all sleepy snuggles, daytime TV, coffee with friends and hours upon hours of just staring at your new bundle of joy.

Or rather, it’s like that the first time. Subsequent maternity leave is routines, countless viewings of Toy Story 2 and throwing back a now cold cup of instant coffee if you happen to walk past wherever it is you left it.

The Girl is now six weeks old and as of today, I have returned to work. Compared to the nine months I took off with my son, this time has seemed more of a short break rather than fully-blown leave. I’ve gone through a bit of guilt about going back to work so soon. She’s still so tiny and vulnerable and am I a terrible mother for not spending every second with her?

I am lucky to be able to work from home in the afternoons and evenings so it’s not like I’m shipping her off to a childminder and sitting in an office all day, and she’ll be with her dad and brother. Ultimately, I think I’m doing the right thing, and this is what works best for my family. I’m sure that nine months of leave contributed to my post natal depression after having my son. Maternity leave can be lonely and quite isolating. Once all the excited visitors stop calling round you’re left with someone who, while being very cute and cuddly, isn’t great at conversation. Returning to work means I’ll be keeping my brain in check and ensuring I’m a better rounded parent. My wages will be better and the kids will love spending time without me for a while. Perhaps most excitingly, I’ll be able to drink hot coffee!

I have two hours before my first student arrives, so I’m making sure I give extra hugs until then.

 

Living Life In Reverse

I am 31 years old and I’m ready to go to university.

Of course, I’m not actually going to university. I studied for my degree between 2004-2007, straight after my A-Levels, like you’re supposed to do. At eighteen years of age I just wasn’t ready for it. I was easily distracted, more interested in parties and boys than actually getting my head down and studying.

My biggest problem was that I was (and still am!) too stubborn to admit when I made a mistake. My university department had two separate, but slightly similar, degree courses. I took the one I thought I wanted to do, but in reality I would have been better suited to the other one. I never admitted it though, and there was no way I was going to transfer. The class I was in was better fun, more relaxed and my classmates were all great at partying and had better music taste than the other class.

Now, ten years after graduating, I feel focused enough to concentrate on learning and doing what is best for me. This is something I’ve noticed amongst a lot of my peers. It is only now that a lot of us are really deciding what it is we want to do and managing to work for it. One of my best friends has just graduated from a post graduate course that will lead her to her dream job and I couldn’t be prouder of her. Other friends are requalifying, starting businesses, and following their dreams. I really don’t think that a lot of eighteen year olds have the knowledge and life experience they need to decide what exactly they want to do. It’s a transformative time of life, and many teenagers just go with what they think they should be doing. It is for that reason that I HATE the UCAS clearing process, but that’s for another day.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could spend a few years being young and then heading to where you want in life when you’re ready?

As for me, going back to university would just be an expensive point I was trying to make. I’m working really hard towards a new piano qualification, which is relevant to my career. Most importantly, I’m really enjoying the work!

 

*Disclaimer* not all teenagers are more interested in parties than studying, and many of them know precisely what they want to do and jolly well go and do it. Fair play to them, I applaud them!